he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize