I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
