Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
