rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
