And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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