I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
