im so drunk with asians
where?
always
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
