An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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