im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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