Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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