tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
