She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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