she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
