Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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