Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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