You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize