Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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