EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
