You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
