If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
