He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
