You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize