My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
