covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
