he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
