im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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