is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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