I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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