she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
