This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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