A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
