No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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