im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
