coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
