Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got inside last night via doggy door
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
