Buhtt sex?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
BRING THE BAGELS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
