just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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