Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
