I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize