I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
