My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
