I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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