Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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