my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize