you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
