Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
