You work out of a Hotel?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
