Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize