This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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