I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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