So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
