So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
