Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
