3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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