sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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