I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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