it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
