I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize