so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
