Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
