there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That accounts for only three of the penises
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
