Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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