I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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