Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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