She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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