it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
