can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
