Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
