I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
