I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
