Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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