South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
