I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
