the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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