D3 body, D1 cock
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
