Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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