When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
