I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
