I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
