This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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