you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is my gift to your gina
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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