My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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